LISTory: Mammalian Americans

  1. The trap is baited
    ([Message reconstructed; original subject lost] by Kimberly Stahl)

  2. Like a rat to cheese: the liberal cause
    (Mammalian-Americans have feelings too! by jschang@students.wisc.edu)

  3. The conservative voice of reason
    (Re: Mammalian-Americans have feelings too! by Keith A. Gillette)

  4. Bleeding hearts all around
    (RE: Mammalian-Americans have feelings too! Chris Gorrilla)

  5. Taking it all just a bit too far
    (RE: Mammalian-Americans have feelings too! by Nemesis)




Date: 
From: Kimberly Stahl 
To: Current and Former Detling Members 
Subject: 
X-To: Paul Rybski , dghall@mailbag.com,
        Miriam Hall , Neil Stahl ,
        Vonda Stahl <71062.1621@compuserve.com>
X-Cc: detling@cs.wisc.edu

A tourist wanders into a back-alley antique shop in San Francisco's
Chinatown. Picking through the objects on display he discovers a detailed,
life-sized bronze sculpture of a rat. The sculpture is so interesting and
unique that he picks it up and asks the shop owner what it costs.

"Twelve dollars for the rat, sir," says the shop owner, "and a

thousand dollars more for the story behind it."

 "You can keep the story, old man," he replies, "but I'll take the
rat."

The transaction complete, the tourist leaves the store with
the bronze rat under his arm. As he crosses the street in front of
the store, two live rats emerge from a sewer drain and fall into
step  behind him. Nervously looking over his shoulder, he begins to
walk faster, but every time he passes another sewer drain, more rats
come out and follow him. By the time he's walked two blocks, at least
a  hundred rats are at his heels, and people begin to point and
shout.

He walks even faster, and soon breaks into a trot as multitudes
of rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned
cars.

Rats by the thousands are at his heels, and as he sees the
waterfront at the bottom of the hill,he panics and starts to run full tilt.

No matter how fast he runs, the rats keep up, squealing hideously,
now not just thousands but millions, so that by the time he comes
rushing up to the water's edge a trail of rats twelve city blocks long
is behind him. Making a mighty leap, he jumps up onto a light
post, grasping it with one arm while he hurls the bronze rat into
San Francisco Bay with the other, as far as he can heave it. Pulling
his legs up and clinging to the light post, he watches in amazement
as the seething tide of rats surges over the breakwater into the
sea, where they drown. Shaken and mumbling, he makes his way back to
the antique shop.




"Ah, so you've come back for the rest of the story," says the
owner.

"No," says the tourist, "I was wondering if you have a
bronze Republican."


Date: Wed, 20 Mar 1996 19:12:19 -0600
Reply-To: jschang@students.wisc.edu
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From: jschang@students.wisc.edu
To: Current and Former Detling Members 
Subject: Mammalian-Americans have feelings too!
Mime-Version: 1.0
X-To: Paul Rybski , dghall@mailbag.com,
        Miriam Hall , Neil Stahl ,
        Vonda Stahl <71062.1621@compuserve.com>
X-Cc: detling@cs.wisc.edu


I can't believe, in this day and age, that such an inaccurate and viciously
libelous portrayal of a poor common Rattus americanus would pass without
comment.  This story contributes to the negative stereotype associated with
the species of small, helpless, naturally timid, furry mammalian chordate.
(I have included a copy of the crude, insensitive "joke" at the end of this
email.)

Let's examine some of these stereotypes by taking quotes directly from this
"joke"-

"rat":  They are not "rats", they are of the genus Rattus species
americanus.  We hope to replace this derogatory term with
Mammalian-American.

"rats keep up, squealing hideously":  Many homo sapiens also squeal
hideously.  Would we, too, lead them into the sea to drown?

"two live rats emerge":  This suggests to the reader that "the only good
rat is a dead rat", which is the protrayal that the exterminators would
have you believe.  Have you ever noticed how similar the uniforms of the
exterminators and the Klu Klux Klan are?  White uniforms, white hats..  You
make the connection.

"Rats by the thousands are at his heels..he panics and starts to run full tilt":
Mammalian-Americans are not by nature aggressive, but he automatically and
illogically assumes they are out to physically harm him.  He judges them
merely by the fuzziness of their skin and not on the content of their
character.

"rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars":
Mammalian-Americans don't live there by choice.. they were forced there by
The Man.

Their minor point in the story is a reflection of how little we value the
life of a Rattus americanus.  The death of MILLIONS of Mammalian-Americans
is seen with "amazement", not with horror or empathy or even mild distaste.
And it arguably has nothing to do with the joke.  To have one's life and
death regulated to a setup for a bad punch line is the ultimate in
humiliation. Mammalian-Americans have feelings too!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
 Johnny Chang    1805 University Avenue #5    Work: 262-4274    Home: 238-4824

>Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.


Date: Thu, 21 Mar 1996 19:29:06 -0600
Reply-To: gillette@facstaff.wisc.edu
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From: gillette@facstaff.wisc.edu (Keith A. Gillette)
To: Current and Former Detling Members 
Subject: Re: Mammalian-Americans have feelings too!
Mime-Version: 1.0
X-To: Current and Former Detling Members 
X-Cc: Paul Rybski , dghall@mailbag.com,
        Miriam Hall , Neil Stahl ,
        Vonda Stahl <71062.1621@compuserve.com>

Mr. Chang lives in a fantasy land.

It may be a "politically correct" fantasy land, but it is a fantasy land
nonetheless. Let's take close a look at Mr. Chang's contentions and see if
we should really be sympathetic to the "plight" of these "poor" rats.

>"rat":  They are not "rats", they are of the genus Rattus species
>americanus.  We hope to replace this derogatory term with
>Mammalian-American.

Hold on just a minute! "Mammalian-American", excuse me? I can certain see
justification for a group having the freedom to name itself, but
"Mammalian-American"? Aren't we overstepping our bounds just a bit? We
humans are mammals, too, you know, and you don't see us going around trying
to call ourselves "Mammalian-Americans" or any such nonsense. And let me
ask you this: Have you checked with the whales on this one? The elephants?
Any of the other thousands of mammal groups living in America? If you rats
are so concerned about not having others step on your toes, how is it that
you can go out and step on the toes (or hooves, claws, or fins, or
whatever) of all these other mammals? This type of double-standard and
inconsistency betrays your illogic.

>"rats keep up, squealing hideously":  Many homo sapiens also squeal
>hideously.  Would we, too, lead them into the sea to drown?

This is typical of you bleeding hearts. The rats weren't *forced* to jump
to their deaths into the ocean. Nobody held a gun to their heads. These
rats *chose* to jump in the water and kill themselves! I guess Mr. Chang
isn't familiar with little things called *free will* and *personal
responsibility*. Talk about a victim mentality!

>"two live rats emerge":  This suggests to the reader that "the only good
>rat is a dead rat", which is the protrayal that the exterminators would
>have you believe.  Have you ever noticed how similar the uniforms of the
>exterminators and the Klu Klux Klan are?  White uniforms, white hats..  You
>make the connection.

OK, here's where Mr. Chang goes off the deep end. Where does this little
story even *hint* at the idea that "the only good rat is a dead rat"?
Nowhere. Mr. Chang is intentionally reading it into the story. I wouldn't
be surprised if the whole "good rat/dead rat" notion is just a lie invented
by the rats to advance their agenda. And this business about the KKK ...
please! Exterminators remove deadbeat, freeloading rats from the homes of
law-abiding humans. There's nothing wrong with that. If the rats lived in
the own homes, even built nests on publically subsidized grasslands, there
would be no problem. But they don't. They infest the homes of humans
without regard to the people that already live there. Exterminators are
simply enforcing property rights!

>"Rats by the thousands are at his heels..he panics and starts to run full
>tilt":
>Mammalian-Americans are not by nature aggressive, but he automatically and
>illogically assumes they are out to physically harm him.  He judges them
>merely by the fuzziness of their skin and not on the content of their
>character.

And tell me Mr. Chang, how is the protagonist supposed to get a chance to
judge each rat by the content of his or her character when millions of
these squeeking, furry things are descending upon him? It's not like the
rats sent a delegation to reason with this man. They swarmed en mass,
leaving the protagonist no choice but to simply react.

>"rats swarm from sewers, basements, vacant lots, and abandoned cars":
>Mammalian-Americans don't live there by choice.. they were forced there by
>The Man.

When rats start getting jobs and paying rent, I'm sure we humans will have
no problem welcoming them into our communities with open arms. Until that
time, the rats are damned lucky to live off of our garbage and effluent.
Freeloaders deserve no better.

>Their minor point in the story is a reflection of how little we value the
>life of a Rattus americanus.  The death of MILLIONS of Mammalian-Americans
>is seen with "amazement", not with horror or empathy or even mild distaste.
>And it arguably has nothing to do with the joke.  To have one's life and
>death regulated to a setup for a bad punch line is the ultimate in
>humiliation. Mammalian-Americans have feelings too!

And do the rats feel remorse or even mild regret over the death of MILLIONS
of humans from the bubonic plague in the Middle Ages?!--Deaths that THEY
brought about by spreading germs from infected fleas! Let's not even talk
about this little mass-suicide that you're trying to blame on human society
when three- quarters of the population of Europe was decimated by the Black
Death spread by our little, furry brethren. When will that atrocity be
repaid? When will the horrible, suffering deaths of those men, women, and
children be avenged? Mr. Chang conveniently ignores these little historical
details in his futile attempt to lobby the rats' untenable case.

Rats may have feelings, too, but that does not oblige us to let them
trample our rights and destroy our society!

_______________________________________________________________________
Keith A. Gillette -- 


Date: Fri, 22 Mar 96 11:48:00 PST
Reply-To: CGorrill@RPS.DrydenNY.attgis.com
Sender: owner-detling@cs.wisc.edu
Precedence: bulk
From: Chris Gorrilla 
To: Current and Former Detling Members 
Subject: RE: Mammalian-Americans have feelings too!
X-To: "'Detling'" 


Now wait a moment. I may only be an uninterested bystander but I think   
that this whole conflict is perhaps moving from reasoned and logical   
discussion into an arena where people fail to listen and simply scream   
out their comments whether or not they have anything to do with the   
problem at hand.

I suggest that both Mr. Chang and Mr. Gillette see a qualified conflict   
resolution specialist where they can sit down in a supportive and   
comforting environment and resolve this problem which is obviously not   
about rats but instead revolves around unresolved problems from their   
distant past.

>Mr. Chang lives in a fantasy land.

Mr. Gillette is jealous of the apparent freedom and lack of   
responsibility Mr. Chang enjoys and has transferred that jealously to an   
image of Mr. Chang living on an island surrounded by buxom women feeding   
him grapes. Obviously this is an inappropriate image which Mr. Gillette   
needs to reconcile with reality.

>"rats keep up, squealing hideously":  Many homo sapiens also squeal
>hideously.  Would we, too, lead them into the sea to drown?

>From the preceding sentence, we can see that Mr. Chang is under the   
delusion he is, if not a rat, at least a close cousin. (I have heard of   
people believing they were mice, but this was rare and seen only in   
Britain, and they have their own problems there.) Obviously, he must be   
shown that he is a human and that humans are the natural lords of all   
small furry creatures with sharp pointy teeth, and as such, we have every   
right to lead our small serfs to their deaths.

Gentlemen, I beg you, get help.  You need it before this conflict turns   
violent. I know both of you and I would hate to see this explode into   
something we would all regret.


Date: Sun, 24 Mar 96 13:17:58 CST  
Reply-To: nsheldon@students.wisc.edu
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From: "Nemesis" 
To: Current and Former Detling Members 
Subject: RE: Mammalian-Americans have feelings too!
X-Sender: nsheldon@students.wisc.edu
X-To: Detling@cs.wisc.edu
X-NUPop-Charset: English

24-March-96
NewsNet -- A subsidiary of Nemesis Produktions 
Neil M. Sheldon, Editor in Chief

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

   Riots broke out within the rodent population of San Francisco this morning
after the announcement of Jude Lance Ito's judgement on the infamous Chinatown
Mass Rat Drowning.  The incident occured some months ago when one Henry
Libbish of Kansas City, Missouri reportedly led millions of rats to their
death in San Francisco bay.  Soon after the incidents, leaders of the local
rat population pressed charges against Libbish, saying that he had comitted
an obviously malicious and light-hearted attempt at genocide.
   Libbish was brought to trial in Los Angeles upon the request of the San
Francisco City Board of Health due to a regulation which prohibits rats to
be intentionally allowed within public buildings, another controversial law
which has seriously harmed the legal profession in the area.  After weeks of
litigation, the jury reached a verdict of not guilty for Libbish yesterday.
When news of the verdict was read to a crowd of rats in San Francisco,
gathered on the very pier which the unfortunate incident had taken place,
the announcer was immediately attacked by a number of rather large rats, and
the mass-confusion continued through the streets of San Francisco as a riot
seemed to erupt almost spontaneously.
   The judgement comes at the end of a long and convuluted series of events
beginning on June 20th, 1995.  On this day, Libbish, while visiting an
antique shop in San Francisco's ethnicly diverse Chinatown neighborhood,
obtained a small bronze statue of a rat for the sum of twelve dollars, while
refusing to pay a sum of one thousand dollars to the shopowner for the
story behind the statue.
   Leaving the shop, Libbish was alarmed to find a number of rats following
him.  After walking nervously for some time, these rats were joined by a
number of other rats.  Intimidated by this crowd, Libbish began to run down
a hill towards San Francisco Bay.  Upon reaching the pier, he climbed up a
lamppost and threw the bronze statue into the sea, causing millions of rats
who had been following him to chase after the statue, falling to their
deaths in the sea.
   Mickey Rat, spokesrat for the San Francisco population first brought into
the public eye by underground comics artist and rodent's rights activist
R. Crumb, reported that the statue was a 'national treasure' of his people.
It had been stolen some time before by a group of local men and sold to the
shopowner for the sum of fifty cents, and rats had been searching for it for
some time, as the police had been uncooperative in the matter.  Chet-whee
and Tik-tik-shree had been posted in the sewers outside the shop because
they had good cause to believe that the statue was inside the shop, and were
waiting for some clue which could confirm their suspicions.
   When they saw the statue being carried out by Libbish, they immediately
began to call to him.  When Libbish did not respond, not understanding the
Rats' language, they continued to run after him.  When he ran, they could
only assume that he was trying to escape and ran after him, calling out
fellow rats as they continued the chase.  Upon reaching the bay, they
believed that they would finally have cornered Libbish and have a chance to
talk to him peacefully, but were shocked to see him throw the statue into
the sea.  In a mass heroic effort, millions of them immediately jumped into
the sea after it, attempting to retrieve the statue.  But the statue sank
to the bottom of the bay, and most of the rats, who were unable to swim,
drowned.
   The controversy was further brought to public attention through the work
of rat activist Johny Chang.  Recently, he called to the public to
sympathize with the Rats' cause, showing how thousands of years of
oppression had led to the current state of the Rat's position in society.
His statement that Rats should be referred to as Mammalian-Americans brought
ridicule from a number of other activists who said that such a term implied
that Rats are the only mammals living in the United States, which is
definitely not the case.  This also led to a recent resurgence of bad
feelings towards rats by many European-Americans for the deaths of their
ancestors to plagues brought into Europe in the 1300's by Middle Eastern
rats attempting to colonize the European homelands.
   Ito heard the testimony of both sides of the case, and said that Libbish
had just cause to believe that the rats had indeed been attempting to attack
him, and that his maneuver to throw the statue into the bay had been an act
of self-defense.  Although he was drowned out by the noise of jeering rats
in the courtroom, he did go on to say that the City of San Francisco should
pay for the retrieval of the statue from the Bay and the return of it to the
Rat Embassy in that city.
   Nonetheless, the riots continue in San Francisco.  Large numbers of
restaurants and other public places have been forced to close down due to
rats barricading the doors, holding humans hostage, and swarming over their
food.  It is not just the local population either, Rats from as far away as
Moscow have been arriving to support their California brethren.  A spokesman
for the New York Rats, the only population of rats in this world which is
seen to have some autonomy within Human government, said that the San
Francisco rats were supported in their time of grief but did not feel that
violence was necessarily a just answer to their problem.
   M. Mouse a very successful entertainment executive who began his own
career as an activist in a similar position as his distant relative Mickey
Rat and went on to create an image of cuteness for his people and many other
animals throughout the world, said "We agree that this incident is very
unfortunate, and we feel for the rodent population of San Francisco.
However, to appeal to their good feelings, we are making this offer to the
rats.  We will pay for them all to be flown on a private jet to Orlando,
Florida, where they will be taken in helicopters over our theme parks and
allowed to see their glory for a comfortable distance."  Mouse refused to
comment on his much more generous offer of year-round passes for the
same parks to Libbish and his family in return for a commercial spot which
had been filmed immediately following the trial.
   Libbish was himself morose over the actions of the
San Francisco Rat Populations.  "I feel badly for the events which I have
unwittingly caused in San Francisco, and beg that the rats cease their
violence, in return I will personally help the city of San Francisco
retrieve the statue from the bay.  Can't we all just get along?"
   Libbish plans to return to Kansas City after his family's approaching
trip to Florida.  Libbish works as a political activist for the Democratic
Farm-Labor Party in Missouri, where he is well-known for his political humor
column in the Kansas City Gazette.

                             -- 30 --


October 31th, 1996