To: Detling 
From: gillette@facstaff.wisc.edu (Keith A. Gillette)
Subject: NEWSFLASH: CFO really a Multi-Level Marketing Scam!!!
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15-February-96
FEMTOAST GnusWire
Keith Gillette, Staff Writer

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

MADISON, WI: Current and former members of Detling House were shocked
once again when they learned that 'CFO', the semi-mythical honorary
member of their residence hall floor, was really nothing more than slyly
concocted multi-level marketing (MLM) scam. CFO, actually an acronym for
"Creative Financial Options (Inc.)" is a pyramid-style sales system
offering a 9.9 cents per minute long distance telephone rate to its
members. Detlingites originally thought CFO stood for "Chris From Ogg"
or some similar variant.

The Detling world was turned upside down just months ago when it was
rumored that "Chris From Ogg" actually had a last name. As it turns out,
that story was false, and its effects on the Detling community were
nothing compared to the impact of this latest discovery. Aziz
Poonawalla, a former four-year resident of Detling and a purported close
friend of CFO, responded emotionally to the news. "CFO was such an
AWESOME friend, I ... I just can't believe that I'd been taken in for so
long by an MLM." Poonawalla solemnly continued, "I feel I am being
punished by Allah for past transgressions. I must fast."

Poonawalla learned of CFO's multi-level nature in an electronic mail
message from former floor-mate Dean Huff. Huff, working under contractfor International Business Machines (IBM), broke the CFO story while
creating an index of every Three Letter Acronym (TLA) on the World Wide
Web (WWW), a multimedia publishing service of the global Internet. Huff
was performing a test-run of his TLA Index Machine (TIM), when he ran
across the familiar letters 'CFO'. Intrigued, Huff followed CFO's
Uniform Resource Locator (URL) to the CFO MLM WWW page, where he
discovered the truth about CFO: "CFO could literally cut your phone bill
in half!" Knowing of Poonawalla's close relationship with CFO, Huff sent
an e-mail message to Aziz immediately. When asked for comment on this
story, Huff responded by saying, "http://www.indirect.com/www/jesse/".

Poonawalla was not alone in his dismay over the CFO situation. Other
members of the Detling community were similarly affected. Some
Detlingites were shocked at the prospect that CFO was not a real person
but rather an Amway-style pyramid money-making scheme. Others were
stunned at CFO's audacious marketing hype and outrageous sales claims.
Still others were both shocked and stunned.

Johnny Chang, another ex-Detlingite and current housemate of Aziz, broke
with the sentiments of the group, however. "Eh, who ever cared about
CFO, anyway? Whatever ..." While Johnny seemed oblivious to the
situation, ex-Detlingite Neil Sheldon was captivated. "Look, here it
says, uh, 'Total $ amount for long distance calls with your current
carrier - Total $ amount for long distance
calls with CFO = YOUR SAVINGS WITH CFO!' ... I could save a lot of
money!!" 

Sheldon's positive response to the CFO marketing propositions was
definitely not typical among Detlingites. Current Detling residents
seemed to be especially hard-hit. Amy Emmer, Detling House Fellow and
significant-other to Sheldon, was almost beside herself as a result of
helping floor members cope with the CFO news. "It's hit our floor really
hard," she explained. "Many of our new residents came in believing in
CFO as part of our community culture and it's been a traumatic
experience finding out he's a fraud. It brings up so many issues." Emmer
is working with Sellery Residence Life Coordinator Clare Huhn to create
a series of house programs on the effects of multi-level marketing and
the CFO phenomenon.

While Detlingites new and old reel from the CFO news, CFO itself is
doing brisk business, expanding its MLM service to cash-hungry
entrepeneurs all over the nation. When contacted for comment, CFO's
parent firm, the multi-million dollar communications company Business
Options, Inc., responded with a formal statement. "Without a doubt, the
facts prove that CFO is one very solid company with one very solid
program and a very bright future." When pressed for reaction on the
negative effect that the recent CFO revelations have had on the Detling
Community, CFO representative Dave Guinan responded, "CFO gave out over
$250,000 in commissions during its first 10 weeks! Telecommunications is
currently just the beginning for CFO. During the next few months, CFO
will be offering a variety of white-collar products and services to
satisfy the hungriest of sales appetites. Screw off, you putrescent
turd."

Though painful to receive, Guinan's words did little to rankle the
already regrouping Detlingites. "Sure, it all hit the new'ins pretty
hard," commented old-timer Chris Gorrilla. "But we Detlingites are a
hardy bunch. We've been through hell before, and Minnie is always there
for us, dammit." "One thing I can tell you for sure," added long-time
Detling member Ed Albrecht, "this isn't the end for Detling or anything
it stands for. Not by a long shot."

One more thing we know for sure: This isn't the end of the CFO saga. Not
by a long shot.