LISTory: The Myth of CFO
Definitive answers from the definitive source
(The Truth about CFO - FAQby Chris 'cfo' Wiemer)
(Re: The Truth about CFO - FAQby Nemesis)
Shocking new revelations
(NEWSFLASH: CFO really a Multi-Level Marketing Scam!!!by Keith A. Gillette)
Date: Sat, 29 Apr 95 17:18:35 CST
From: "Chris 'cfo' Wiemer"
To: Current and Former Detling Members
Subject: The Truth about CFO - FAQ
After reading Aziz's comments about the 'CFO' legend, I though that this
might be useful to post..*smirk*
I have spent much of my life studying the facts and myths surrounding the
legend of the so-called 'CFO' After many years of research, I have come to
one conclusion. Due to the mass of evidence in opposition to the existance
of this 'CFO', it is my esteemed opinion that this person cannot exist.
>From time to time various 'urban legends' arise -- often on college
campuses. Upon closer examination, they are found to be based on rumor,
speculation, and often many elements of popular culture.
Here is a brief summary of my research. It is presented in the format of
the Myth and the Fact.
Myth: "Of course he's real..He sends me e-mail"
Fact: When we asked for specific examples, the respondant invariable
responded that he hadn't sent any e-mail lately. Is that in character? I
Myth: "He's real, I am a friend of his"
Fact: Most of these people are either artistic and as such have a very
active imagination, or have trouble with reality -- some even discuss
television shows such as 'Star Trek' as if they were real. As such comments
of this type should be taken with a grain of salt.
Myth: "He's real. We went on a trip(s) to Florida with him for Break."
Fact: This sounded somewhat plausable, but upon further examination, the
stories grew wilder and wilder. The other observers play fast and loose
with reality. They claim that while they were there they didn't just see
the new VR ride prototype, they tried it out. Or they didn't just watch the
Indiana Jones show, but that they were in it. Pathetic. But again we
checked it out. During this last Spring Break, we looked for him in
Florida. He was nowhere to be found. When we asked some of these so-called
witnesses, they said 'Oh, he stayed in Madison this break.' How very
Myth: "CFO taught me how to play Magic. He lost the first couple of games
to me so that I would like it, but later I realized that it was intentional
so that I would become addicted as well."
Fact: This one is sad. It is most likely based on the feeble pleas of the
hopelessly addicted. It does not seem to fit with the traditional
explanations of the 'CFO' being good at the game, nor does it fit with other
stories of 'CFO's' competitiveness. We decided to check this one out
anyway. We went to the local Magic 'guild meeting' and asked around. Not
one single person had heard of this 'CFO'.
In summation, do not believe these wild stories. If you have further
questions e-mail me at: email@example.com
-Chris Wiemer (Writer of this FAQ)
Date: Wed, 3 May 1995 13:30:30 -0500
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (Nemesis)
To: Current and Former Detling Members
Subject: Re: The Truth about CFO - FAQ
Of course, there is also the most obvious evidence for CFO not to exist.
When asked where CFO got his name, the reply by most people was that it
stood for Chris from Ogg. It was later determined that Ogg was not a city
in Arkansas, as was originally thought, but the name of a Residence Hall at
the University of Wisconsin -- Madison. When the roster of that hall was
examined, there were a number of Chris's found, however interviews indicate
that absolutely none of them matched the description of this legend.
"Have you ever had the feeling that no one is out to get you?"
17 N. Bassett, Apt. 2, Madison, WI 53703, 256-3742
-------------- copyright 1995 Nemesis Produktions--------------
For Best Results, remove cover and turn upside-down before serving.
From: email@example.com (Keith A. Gillette)
Subject: NEWSFLASH: CFO really a Multi-Level Marketing Scam!!!
Keith Gillette, Staff Writer
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
MADISON, WI: Current and former members of Detling House were shocked
once again when they learned that 'CFO', the semi-mythical honorary
member of their residence hall floor, was really nothing more than slyly
concocted multi-level marketing (MLM) scam. CFO, actually an acronym for
"Creative Financial Options (Inc.)" is a pyramid-style sales system
offering a 9.9 cents per minute long distance telephone rate to its
members. Detlingites originally thought CFO stood for "Chris From Ogg"
or some similar variant.
The Detling world was turned upside down just months ago when it was
rumored that "Chris From Ogg" actually had a last name. As it turns out,
that story was false, and its effects on the Detling community were
nothing compared to the impact of this latest discovery. Aziz
Poonawalla, a former four-year resident of Detling and a purported close
friend of CFO, responded emotionally to the news. "CFO was such an
AWESOME friend, I ... I just can't believe that I'd been taken in for so
long by an MLM." Poonawalla solemnly continued, "I feel I am being
punished by Allah for past transgressions. I must fast."
Poonawalla learned of CFO's multi-level nature in an electronic mail
message from former floor-mate Dean Huff. Huff, working under contractfor International Business Machines (IBM), broke the CFO story while
creating an index of every Three Letter Acronym (TLA) on the World Wide
Web (WWW), a multimedia publishing service of the global Internet. Huff
was performing a test-run of his TLA Index Machine (TIM), when he ran
across the familiar letters 'CFO'. Intrigued, Huff followed CFO's
Uniform Resource Locator (URL) to the CFO MLM WWW page, where he
discovered the truth about CFO: "CFO could literally cut your phone bill
in half!" Knowing of Poonawalla's close relationship with CFO, Huff sent
an e-mail message to Aziz immediately. When asked for comment on this
story, Huff responded by saying, "http://www.indirect.com/www/jesse/".
Poonawalla was not alone in his dismay over the CFO situation. Other
members of the Detling community were similarly affected. Some
Detlingites were shocked at the prospect that CFO was not a real person
but rather an Amway-style pyramid money-making scheme. Others were
stunned at CFO's audacious marketing hype and outrageous sales claims.
Still others were both shocked and stunned.
Johnny Chang, another ex-Detlingite and current housemate of Aziz, broke
with the sentiments of the group, however. "Eh, who ever cared about
CFO, anyway? Whatever ..." While Johnny seemed oblivious to the
situation, ex-Detlingite Neil Sheldon was captivated. "Look, here it
says, uh, 'Total $ amount for long distance calls with your current
carrier - Total $ amount for long distance
calls with CFO = YOUR SAVINGS WITH CFO!' ... I could save a lot of
Sheldon's positive response to the CFO marketing propositions was
definitely not typical among Detlingites. Current Detling residents
seemed to be especially hard-hit. Amy Emmer, Detling House Fellow and
significant-other to Sheldon, was almost beside herself as a result of
helping floor members cope with the CFO news. "It's hit our floor really
hard," she explained. "Many of our new residents came in believing in
CFO as part of our community culture and it's been a traumatic
experience finding out he's a fraud. It brings up so many issues." Emmer
is working with Sellery Residence Life Coordinator Clare Huhn to create
a series of house programs on the effects of multi-level marketing and
the CFO phenomenon.
While Detlingites new and old reel from the CFO news, CFO itself is
doing brisk business, expanding its MLM service to cash-hungry
entrepeneurs all over the nation. When contacted for comment, CFO's
parent firm, the multi-million dollar communications company Business
Options, Inc., responded with a formal statement. "Without a doubt, the
facts prove that CFO is one very solid company with one very solid
program and a very bright future." When pressed for reaction on the
negative effect that the recent CFO revelations have had on the Detling
Community, CFO representative Dave Guinan responded, "CFO gave out over
$250,000 in commissions during its first 10 weeks! Telecommunications is
currently just the beginning for CFO. During the next few months, CFO
will be offering a variety of white-collar products and services to
satisfy the hungriest of sales appetites. Screw off, you putrescent
Though painful to receive, Guinan's words did little to rankle the
already regrouping Detlingites. "Sure, it all hit the new'ins pretty
hard," commented old-timer Chris Gorrilla. "But we Detlingites are a
hardy bunch. We've been through hell before, and Minnie is always there
for us, dammit." "One thing I can tell you for sure," added long-time
Detling member Ed Albrecht, "this isn't the end for Detling or anything
it stands for. Not by a long shot."
One more thing we know for sure: This isn't the end of the CFO saga. Not
by a long shot.
Added to Detnet October 31th, 1996